Burning & Building Bridges

Recently, while checking for updates in Facebook, I came across an interesting posting by a good old friend of mine. It is as shown below:

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In Pursuit of Happiness
Sunday, November 29, 2009 at 10:26pm

Don’t let someone become a priority in your life,
When you are just an option in their life …
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

Never explain yourself to anyone,
Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it,
And the person who dislikes you won’t believe it

When you keep saying you are busy, Then you are never free.
When you keep saying you have no time, Then you will never have time.
When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow, Then tomorrow will never come.

When we wake up this morning, we have two simple choices.
Go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Choice is yours…

We make them cry who care for us,
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us

This is the truth of life, it’s strange but true
Once you realize this, it’s never too late to change
Don’t make promises when you are in joy

Don’t reply when you are sad
Don’t take decisions when you are angry
Think twice, Act wise

Time is like a river, You cannot touch the same water twice
Because the flow that has passed will never pass again
Enjoy every moment of life

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The rules to a happy and fulfilling life are not difficult to understand, but obviously difficult to put into practice.

I personally find the first paragraph particularly interesting:

”Don’t let someone become a priority in your life,
When you are just an option in their life
Relationships work best when they are balanced.”

It is not uncommon to find that people whom you thought were friends choose to send you right down to their ‘priority stack’, for some ‘mysterious’ reasons.

I’ve had a classmate from my primary school who doesn’t write to me, and I only get a response from him (if any), after ‘building my half of the bridge’.

The irony of this matter is that while this is a simple rule to understand, very few people actually take it seriously. In other words, these apparently simple rules are often taken for granted.

Obviously, if they don’t take you seriously, or at least, they choose to have you ‘blacked-out’ of your life, who can blame them?

Be happy, just burn down the bridge.

 

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Getting Bitten by my Viola

I forgot to bring my shoulder rest to tonight’s string practice! For those who do not know what a shoulder rest is, it’s a little device that you place just under your violin or viola, to create a comfortable distance between your shoulder and the base of the violin or viola, so it makes a lot of difference when playing through 2 hours of difficult pieces!

shoulder restA typical shoulder rest

Can you imagine vigorously through three pieces for 2 long hours with a piece of metal biting into your jaw? If that’s bad, I couldn’t stop playing…sigh…

 

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Afterlife

It had been a very sad day, for today was the day my friend was laid to rest, marking the closing of the final chapter of his short yet colorful life. His passing was unexpected, and we all thought what a bright future this young man had ahead of him. Alas, that was not to be, for God loved him so much he was called to the House of the Lord last Thursday evening, Singapore time.

I knew Jonathan personally, though not as well as some of my other schoolmates. He and I used to discuss at length some of the latest computer games and strategies.

He had touched my life, and the lives of many others.

Life is so fragile.

When I learned of his passing, a day after he drew his last breath, it was a  stark reality I could not accept. I had barely gotten the chance to tell him how much I appreciate his friendship, and now Jon is gone.

His passing was a real awakening for me, and probably even to those who were close to him. I realized that life is too short to squander, complaining about trivialities, whining, and procrastinating. That life is meant to be enjoyed, and cherished. That the difficulties we often encounter in life, as reminders that we still have many things to accomplish, for ourselves, and for others. That the reason why our hearts still beat in us, as the Lord’s way of reminding us, that the days we have left to roam this earth, to make a lasting impact on the lives of others, are numbered.

It is through Jon’s passing, though tragic, that I humbly believe, many people will be inspired and touched, in ways that could have not been possible if he had still been with us.

Thank you Jon for the times we had spent together. The Lord loves you.

Rest in peace my friend.

 

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Of Slums and Poems.

Of Slums and Poems

The Sunday Post 26, October 2008 (with permission of the author) 

By Dunstan Chan

“Maybe the thing that makes Kuching lovable is not that tangible. It is the relaxed ambience and quiet charm of a contented city where people of different races and religions live harmoniously together. Such a nebulous attribute is not easy to put down into words in a brochure. Kuching has to be experienced.”

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Kibera

Pictured above is the Kibera slum, Nairobi, Kenya, the second largest slum in Africa.
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slum

“Take me to the slums area.”
“Slums?” said I, taken aback.
Perhaps it was my tone and my facial expression that prompted Rita to go on to explain somewhat patronizingly.
“Yes, slums, you know what they are, the poor area where the poor people and squatters live.”
I could see that the other passengers in my car were also giving me looks tinged with pity for not knowing that famous (or infamous) bane of Asian cities.

Yes, I know what slums are. I have been to some of the major cities of Asia. Heck, I have even visited Tondo and Smokey Mountain of Manila to know exactly what she meant. Yes, slums, I have seen them. I have smelt them.

Smokey Mountain was a rubbish dump for Manila in the District of Tondo. The 2 million ton garbage heap attracted a huge squatter community who scavenged the garbage for their livelihood.

No, my bewilderment was due the foreignness of the concept of “slums” in Kuching. Having settled comfortably in Kuching for some time now, the image of that crowded unsanitary habitat with all its unpleasantness seemed to have faded from my mind.

I was taking a group of journalists from the Commonwealth Journalist Association on a whirlwind tour of Kuching. Rita, who hailed from India but settled in Britain, went on to explain that it is her practice whenever she visits a big city to make a point of visiting the poor areas as well as the affluent areas. “It gives me a better feel of the city.” She said.

So I drove around Kuching for a good three hours to give them an impressionistic view of the city. All I can say is that they loved the city and to the person said that they want to come back for a holiday with their families. And I don’t think they were just being polite.

Ironically, sometime ago I was talking with some friends about the attractions of Kuching and if we were to promote it as a place to visit what would we say about it. For a while we fell into the trap of many a tourism writer who succumbed to the formulaic description of the tourist attractions of a place. We talked about pristine beaches, crystal clear water, vibrant nightlife, and shopping, all predictable stuff. However, using that standard yardstick and comparing to our neighbours, Kuching really doesn’t have too much to shout about. We don’t have the powdery white sand of Boracay of the Philippines, the crystal clear waters of Sabah, the wild nightlife of Bangkok and our shopping complexes are dwarfed by mega malls of the other Asian cities.

Indeed, in pitching Kuching as the typical tropical postcard type of tourist destination can yield embarrassing results as reality does not match up to the hype. Some years ago I received a call from one of the hotels in Damai beach. Among its guests was a honeymoon couple from America who wanted to learn SCUBA diving. I met the charming young newly weds. They were both good swimmers, the husband being a lifeguard. I asked them why they chose to come to Kuching to do their diving. They said that they came across an advertisement about “the pristine underwater marine life and untouched coral reefs” here. Those who are familiar with the underwater world would know that Kuching resides somewhere at the bottom rung of the world ranking of good dive spots. While other dive sites boast of underwater visibility of 30 to 100 feet, here off Kuching, we count ourselves lucky if we can see up to fifteen feet.

Fortunately the couple had not done any diving and thus did not know any better. And the novel experience of swimming underwater made their experience around the islands off Kuching a happy one. Seeing their keenness I recommended that they visit Sipadan, that world famous diving paradise (I am not exaggerating) in Sabah. Of course they were totally blown away by their experience there.

A few weeks later I received an email from them “. . . thank you so much for introducing us to this totally new and exquisitely beautiful experience. Our time in Sipadan was absolutely brilliant and will remain a most memorable holiday.” I noted that they pointedly avoided making any mention of diving in Kuching.

The point I am making is that sometimes we tend to focus on the usual run-of-the-mill tourism products — spectacular scenery, sea and beaches, nightlife and shopping, etc. and thus totally miss what is our forte.

When I asked my visitors from Uganda, Mauritius, Britain and Bangladesh what they like about Kuching they did not specify anything in particular, though they were highly impressed by the cleanliness of the city, the well preserved historic buildings and the places of worship.

“In my country we also have such historical buildings from the colonial era but they are mostly in a rather dilapidated condition,” said one of them. We were standing in front of the old Court House, looking across the river to Fort Margarita. Then someone said, “It is not just the buildings I like, it is the feel of the city.”

Maybe the thing that makes Kuching lovable is not that tangible. It is the relaxed ambience and quiet charm of a contented city where people of different races and religions live harmoniously together. Such a nebulous attribute is not easy to put down into words in a brochure. Kuching has to be experienced.

After the futile search for slums, we ended up near the Astana on the north bank of the Kuching River. From there, the city with the smooth flowing river in the foreground looked beautiful.
“Are there many poems written about this river?” asked one of them. I think that is a question which is pregnant with meaning. Maybe sometimes we just forget to count our blessings.

The writer can be contacted at desee@pc.jaring.my

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Uncle Dunstan, thanks for letting me post your article here. –Lionel

 

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Origins of Negaraku?

The Malaysian National Anthem, ‘Negaraku’, was believed to have been adapted from a local Malaysian song called ‘Terang Bulan’. However, some schools of thought have suggested that the national anthem’s melody was actually borrowed from an old Hawaian song, ‘Mamula Moon’. To play the song, click the play button below.

 

So what is your take? The chicken or the egg?

 

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One Mean Renaissance Man

The following article was taken from: http://www.salon.com/books/it/1999/09/13/machiavelli/index.html

I had recently been reading a thing or two about ‘Machiavellianism’ (oh wow, I think I spelled it correctly this time), but this article which I found on www.salon.com is the best I’ve read on this topic so far.

For those who are not familiar with the term, Machiavellianism refers to a person’s tendency to deceive and manipulate others for personal gain.

So what now? Guess what…it’s actually in our genes, but it’s apparent in out actions to differing degrees.

The article is as shown below.

The picture shown below is that of Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli, a philosopher, writer, and Italian politician. The picture was taken from Wikipedia.

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ONE mean RENAISSANCE MAN

File:Santi di Tito - Niccolo Machiavelli's portrait headcrop.jpg

As Machiavelli becomes the poster prince for a new
kind of power-hungry self-help genre, scholars are
using the 16th century political philosopher as a litmus
test for human behavior.

– – – – – – – – – – – –
By Annie M. Paul

Sept. 13, 1999 | No doubt about it — this writer is hot. His works inspire countless knockoffs and imitations. His imprimatur gilds the covers of other authors’ books like Oprah’s golden O. His name has even entered the language as an adjective. But you won’t see him signing books at Barnes & Noble or trying to talk over Charlie Rose. No doubt he’d relish the attention, but he’s been dead for almost 500 years.

These days, Niccolo Machiavelli is generating a volume of buzz Tina Brown would envy. In the past couple of years, he’s been the subject of more than 20 books, including Dick Morris’ “The New Prince: Machiavelli Updated for the Twenty-First Century,” “The New Machiavelli: The Art of Politics in Business” and “Machiavelli on Modern Leadership: Why Machiavelli’s Iron Rules Are as Timely and Important Today as Five Centuries Ago.” For the fairer (but no less devious) sex, there’s “The Princessa: Machiavelli for Women” and for those mischievous little tykes, “A Child’s Machiavelli: A Primer on Power.”

Of course, the buzz around Machiavelli has never really died down. Since his guide to getting and keeping power, “The Prince,” was published in 1532, Machiavelli’s matter-of-fact instruction that rulers must be prepared to lie, cheat and steal to hang on to their thrones — all the while acting the part of the benevolent leader — has not lost its razor edge. Even in this era of cynicism, Machiavelli’s view of humanity as greedy and self-seeking or stupid and easily tricked still seems remarkably dark — and to some, remarkably relevant. The little Italian excites so much passion because his works divide readers into two hostile camps: those who admire his clear-sighted pragmatism and those who are repelled by his casual amorality.

His polarizing presence isn’t limited to light reading, either. Now Machiavelli is making an appearance in a loftier realm: the speculations of sociobiology. In “Machiavellian Intelligence: Social Expertise and the Evolution of Intellect in Monkeys, Apes, and Humans” (Oxford University Press, 1988) and “Machiavellian Intelligence II: Extensions and Evaluations” (Cambridge University Press, 1997), two scientists make a startling claim: Machiavellian behavior helped our early ancestors survive, and even drove the evolution of their brains. In other words, it made us human.

Andrew Whiten and Richard Byrne, both professors of biology at Scotland’s St. Andrews University, apply the word “Machiavellian” to artful manipulation that serves one’s own interests. In the communal living situations of our early forbears, they explain, those who could make the biggest grab for resources without getting kicked out of the group altogether — that is, those who were most effectively underhanded and guileful — were the ones who lived to pass on their (Machiavellian) genes. The competition to be the craftiest of them all created an “evolutionary arms race,” write Whiten and Byrne, “leading to spiraling increases in intelligence.”

Their supposition grows out of what’s known as the “social intelligence hypothesis”: the idea that it’s not the world of objects that demands superior smarts, but our complicated and nuanced web of relationships. Sounds sensible enough — but earlier theories had tied the development of human intelligence to the use of tools and weapons. (That dealing with relationships is the more cognitively complex activity will surprise no one who’s seen modern-day man prefer a session with his power tools to a long talk with his wife.)

Machiavelli’s survival-of-the-shrewdest philosophy has obvious parallels to evolutionary theory (were he writing today, he might thank, fawningly of course, Charles Darwin and Richard Dawkins in his acknowledgements), and the researchers have embraced him as a sage. “Machiavelli seems to me to have been a realist, who accepted that self-interest was ultimately what drove people, and emphasized that the best way to achieve one’s personal ends was usually through social, cooperative and generous behavior — provided that the costs are never allowed to outweigh the ultimate benefits to oneself,” says Byrne. Though the biologists’ work doesn’t draw directly on Machiavelli’s texts, his steel-fisted, velvet-gloved approach provides the perfect model for the behavior they describe.

Evolutionary biology isn’t the only academic discipline to borrow from Machiavelli: Psychology got there first. Almost 50 years ago, a Stanford psychologist named Richard Christie set out to ascertain just how many modern-day adherents Machiavelli had, and how they differed from those who disavow his ideas. Christie created a personality test based on statements taken from “The Prince”: “Most people forget more easily the death of their parents than the loss of their property,” for example, and “The biggest difference between most criminals and other people is that the criminals are stupid enough to get caught.” Test-takers were asked to rate how strongly they agreed with Machiavelli’s acid observations. Those who endorsed Machiavelli’s opinions Christie dubbed high Machs; those who rejected them out of hand were low Machs. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, but there’s a significant minority at either extreme.

The unusual origins of Christie’s test set it apart from the carefully constructed instruments psychologists ordinarily use. The survey itself measures only one thing — whether the test-taker subscribes to the ideas of a 16th century Italian political philosopher. But here’s the rub: In subsequent experiments in his lab, Christie found that our reactions to Machiavelli act as a kind of litmus test, delineating differences in temperament that he confirmed with more traditional personality inventories. High Machs, he determined, constitute a distinct type: charming, confident and glib, but also arrogant, calculating and cynical, prone to manipulate and exploit. (Think Rupert Murdoch, or if your politics permit it, Bill Clinton.)

Christie and his collaborator, Florence Geis, had deeply mixed feelings about high Machs, especially after watching them trounce other players in games the psychologists set up and observed in their lab. “Initially, our image of the high Mach was a negative one, associated with shadowy and unsavory manipulations,” they wrote in their 1970 classic, “Studies in Machiavellianism” (Academic Press). “However, after watching subjects in laboratory experiments, we found ourselves having a perverse admiration for the high Mach’s ability to outdo others in experimental situations.” Almost against their will, they were impressed by the high Machs: “Their greater willingness to admit socially undesirable traits compared to low Machs hinted at a possibly greater insight into and honesty about themselves.”

One of the many psychologists who have contributed to the now-substantial literature on Machiavellianism is John McHoskey, of Eastern Michigan University. In a major paper published last year in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, he made the case that Machiavellianism is, in fact, a mild form of mental illness. The tendency to exploit and manipulate others, he says, can be placed on a continuum that runs from Mother Teresa to Ted Bundy. “People who are way out on the far end are the crazed Hannibal Lecter psychopaths,” he explains. “But in the middle, there’s still a lot of room for differences, and the people who score on the high end you can think of as Machiavellian.” (Of course, do-gooders like Mother Teresa might actually be engaging in a less blatant and therefore more sophisticated form of Machiavellianism. As Byrne notes, the ultimate Machiavellian bargain may be the one made with God.)

McHoskey’s article argued that high Machs possess, to a greater or lesser degree, the qualities associated with classic psychopaths: a lack of remorse, pathological lying, glibness and superficial charm, a grandiose sense of self-worth. Even so, he refuses to denounce Machiavellians outright, however, cautioning that it all depends on context. We want our spies and sometimes our diplomats to be devious in the nation’s service. Elected officials and other administrators must be at least a little Machiavellian to get anything done. A degree of impersonality toward human life is essential in a doctor performing bypass surgery, or a soldier engaged in warfare. Plus, McHoskey points out, true low Machs are kind of sucky. “They’re the extreme opposite of someone who’s Machiavellian: dependent, submissive, socially inept, shy,” he says. In other words, be sure to invite a high Mach or two to your next dinner party.

Psychologists’ emphasis on these individual differences in Machiavellianism sits uneasily alongside Byrne and Whiten’s focus on the universal processes of selection and adaptation. According to the biologists’ theory, every human is the end result of evolution’s preference for the sly and cunning. (Byrne and Whiten don’t make distinctions between good and bad intentions but instead focus on the means we use to achieve them.) Does that mean we’re all Machiavellians? “Well, yes, to some degree,” Whiten says. “For example, young children, from the ages of about 3 to 4, have been observed to attempt deceptions and to manipulate social situations to their own benefit. This seems natural to humans, and begins early.”

Yet such universal theories on the mercenary motivations of human behavior create a kind of circular reasoning. It’s impossible to disprove that we’re all Machiavellian because any successful human endeavor — whether it’s feeding the poor or taking care of a loved one — can be reinterpreted through the lens of selfishness.

After decades circling around this point, some sociobiologists are beginning to form other evolutionary theories that concur with the psychological vision that individual personalities engage in varying levels of selfishness and altruism and use a variety of methods to achieve their ends. David Sloan Wilson, of SUNY-Binghamton, believes that Machiavellianism is just one wrench in the tactical toolbox that humans have evolved over the eons — and not one that all of us choose to use. “There’s more than one way to succeed in social life,” he notes. “There are exploitative ways, and there are cooperative ways.”

In a 1996 Psychological Bulletin paper, Wilson proposed his “multiple-niche” theory which didn’t exactly refute his colleagues’ work on Machiavellian behavior but refused to allow it to claim credit for all human success. Some people do get ahead by being slick, Wilson suggested, but others prosper using more straightforward or altruistic approaches. (Wilson is also the co-author of a recent book on altruism, “Unto Others: The Evolution and Psychology of Unselfish Behavior” (Harvard University Press, 1998)).

“There are wolves,” says Wilson grimly, “and there are sheep.” He doesn’t hide his visceral reaction to the former. “It’s kind of scary when you appreciate that human life is like a predator-prey relationship, in which both are members of the same species,” he says. Wilson describes the unsettling feeling of looking out over a class to whom he has administered Christie’s test of Machiavellianism, knowing that a certain number of his students are hard-core manipulators. “We grow up thinking that we have to have this presumption of niceness” about other people, he muses, “and there’s something startling about the fact that that’s just not true.”

But Wilson’s message is ultimately an optimistic one: cooperative strategies can work as well as, and sometimes better than, exploitative ones. After all, Machiavellianism sometimes backfires: Its proponents may scheme and manipulate even when a show of submissiveness or an offer to share might more easily get them what they want, and they always run the risk of being found out and then sanctioned or expelled by their communities. As McHoskey notes, Machiavellians therefore do best in highly mobile societies, in which individuals are free to make their own fortunes and the expression of greed or self-interest is encouraged or at least accepted.

Sound familiar? Forget 16th century Italian city states — 20th century America is a land of would-be Princes, a place where the grifter, the con man and the wheeler-dealer are both celebrated archetypes and real-life heroes. Perhaps that’s why now, as the gospel of global capitalism spreads unhindered by other philosophies and Americans reflexively interpret politicians’ words and deeds as motivated solely by strategic self-interest, Machiavelli is experiencing a popular revival. Whatever timeless truths he may have to offer, his message is perfectly pitched to this high-flying, high-rolling cultural moment, when image means everything and power is purchased at any cost.

Were he on the scene today, Machiavelli would no doubt revel in his continuing popularity, though he would likely have little use for the academic debates he inspires (students of literature and political science still argue if his advice to the Medicis was satire, all a monstrous joke). “It seems to me better to concentrate on what really happens,” he coolly pronounced in “The Prince,” “rather than on theories or speculations.”

salon.com | Sept. 13, 1999

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You Can’t Have Too Many Friends

I was fiddling around with Facebook for one afternoon when I suddenly came across Anwar Ibrahim’s profile. I just thought it couldn’t hurt to add him as a friend.

Fullscreen capture 1822009 54911 PM 

I clicked on the ‘Add as Friend’ link, and then…

Fullscreen capture 1822009 54920 PM

…hurt me it did. I guess you can’t have too many friends on Facebook. Now that’s amusing!

 

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The Easiest Thing To Say…

The easiest thing to say is…’I don’t know’…

I decided that, of all the useless things I can write about in a single day, I would like to say a bit about the sentence ‘I don’t know’. I hear it pretty often from persons with whom I try to engage in a simple conversation, usually by starting a question.

When a person says ‘I don’t know’, he or she may be implying one or more of the following:

  1. He/She really doesn’t know the answer to a question that you are asking.
  2. He/She is too lazy to think of the answer or think of a less curt reply.
  3. He/She is trying to say, “I’m don’t know how to answer your question, so just shut up because I’m not interested to talk to you now…”

 DSCN0135

In Aubrey C. Daniels’ book, ‘Bringing Out the Best in People’, he mentioned of something called ‘extinction burst’.

I won’t go much deeper into explaining the technicalities, but I could give you a simple example of what ‘extinction burst’ is.

Example:

  1. You press a button in the elevator and it doesn’t work.
  2. Because you notice that it doesn’t work, you decide to press the button a little harder.
  3. It still doesn’t work, so you start hammering away at the button, pressing it many times, repeatedly, but to no avail.
  4. You lose your temper and kick the elevator door, then you give up.

It’s the simple case with people giving you that curt reply, “I don’t know”.

After a while, you tend to ‘give up’ engaging with such persons. Have you been saying “I don’t know” too many times before? Have people stopped talking to you as a result? Go figure.

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Working 24-7

I used to wonder, and I am still wondering even today, how long can you keep a computer running without switching it off. It’s not difficult to imagine how much we use computers today, with the advent of the internet as the ‘in’ thing. Computer addiction is a real problem these days, with kids spending more time in front of the monitor than they see daylight. I’m a seasoned (and hopeless) addict; I’ve been there, done that.

Tsk tsk! Messy right? I know I know…

You don’t have to tell that I’m seriously low on desktop real estate. Look at the top right corner.

Yup, my computer has been working (and it’s still working, otherwise you won’t be reading this post…chuckles…) harder than a bank’s server. I’ve also got that stupid final year project to do, so what can I do? I think it’s going to be up for another 24 hours.

 

Needless to say, here’s the culprit…

Moan…the facade of iniquity. The unnecessary pain and suffering. The nemesis that is keeping me awake, buried in miles of jargon and code. But I can’t sleep. I just had coffee…damn.

Goodnight to you all anyway, looks like I’ll be alone again. Sigh….